The Silent Conversation: How to Spot When Someone's Unconsciously Asking for Help
Hey Future Looper,
Ever have that feeling that there's more to what someone's saying than just their words?
Like they're trying to tell you something important, but they're not quite saying it directly?
(Spoiler alert: You're probably right.)
The Dance We All Do
Let me take you back to my glassblowing days for a moment.
Remember that story about the person who mentioned their grandmother?
Here's what I didn't tell you before: it wasn't just their words that told the story – it was everything else.
The way their voice softened.
The slight pause before speaking.
The way their eyes fixed on the pendant.
These weren't just random behaviors – they were unconscious signals screaming for connection.
The Three Layers of Communication
Here's something fascinating: when people talk, they're actually communicating on three different levels:
What they're saying (the words)
How they're saying it (their voice)
What their body's doing while they say it
But here's the kicker – most people only pay attention to the first level.
They're missing out on two-thirds of the conversation!
The Truth About "I'm Fine"
We've all been there.
Someone says "I'm fine" but everything about them is screaming "I'M NOT FINE AT ALL!"
This isn't just people being difficult.
It's actually their unconscious mind trying to wave a giant flag saying "Hey! There's more to this story!"
Think of it like this: your unconscious mind is like that friend who's terrible at keeping secrets.
Even when your conscious mind is trying to play it cool, your unconscious is in the background making faces and mouthing "Ask them about the thing!"
The Signs Are Everywhere
Want to know what to look for? Here are some classics:
Speech slowing down
Long pauses
Staring off into space
Sudden changes in breathing
Random laughing or crying
Their face going still (what we call the "hypnotic mask")
When you see these, it's like your client's unconscious mind is sending you a text message saying "Hey! Important stuff happening here!"
Beyond the Obvious
But here's where it gets really interesting.
These signals aren't just random – they're actually part of a bigger pattern.
They're like breadcrumbs leading you straight to what really needs attention.
And the best part?
Once you know how to spot these patterns, you can't unsee them.
It's like getting a pair of glasses that lets you see the Matrix. (Okay, maybe not that dramatic, but you get the idea.)
The Game Changer
Here's what makes this so powerful for coaches, therapists, or anyone who works with people: when you can spot these signals, you don't have to guess anymore.
No more:
"Am I on the right track?"
"Is this working?"
"What should I say next?"
Instead, you're letting their unconscious mind guide you straight to what needs attention.
What Not to Do
Now, here's where most people get it wrong. They see these signals and think:
"I need to fix this!"
"Let me give them advice!"
"I should tell them what to do!"
(Spoiler: That's exactly how you get someone to close up faster than a clam at high tide.)
The Better Way
Instead of jumping in to fix things, what if you got curious? What if you saw these signals as invitations to explore rather than problems to solve?
This is where the magic starts to happen.
Because when you respond to these unconscious signals with genuine curiosity, you're not just having a conversation – you're entering the loop.
What's Next?
In our next post, we're going to dive into exactly how to respond when you spot these signals.
Because knowing they're there is one thing – knowing what to do with them is where the real transformation happens.
But for now, try this: in your next conversation, focus less on the words and more on everything else.
You might be surprised at what you've been missing.
See you in the loop!
Timothy September
What unconscious signals have you noticed in your conversations? Email me at: [email protected] - and yes, I notice the unconscious signals in your comments too! 😉
Want to learn more about Enter the Loop?: https://entertheloop.com
(And for those keeping score at home, yes, my glass jellyfish pendants are still not for sale. But I appreciate your unconscious signals of interest!)
